Here are just a few quotes from the very funny Larry The Cable Guy...
99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?
haha Larry The Cable Guy is the funnest dam guy i ever heard he wasnt liein when he said he could make ladies piss them selfs i tell you that right now haha.
ReplyDeletelol Larry is great, glad he is cleaning up his act some. Hilarious!
ReplyDeleteHe would be a whole lot more funny if he was a Hispanic!
ReplyDeletescrew u homo
DeleteYa we dont want anymore of then stupid fucking wetbacks
DeleteDICKWEED!
Deletelisten here, Reverend....I don't 'preciate ya callin' me 'dickweed' in the parkin' lot!
DeleteLarry is one of my idols
ReplyDeleteGit-R-Done Larry
ReplyDeleteIf Larry was any funnier he'd have to wear an Al Gore mask to slow down human meltdown.
ReplyDelete"I was angrier than a midget with a yo-yo"
ReplyDelete"I was more confused than Ray Charles with a 'Where's Waldo' book"
"My sister got a horse and it broke it's leg, so I had to shoot it....and now it has a broken leg and a gunshot wound. I don't know why your supposed to shoot it, maybe it promotes the healing process. If he's not better by next week I'm going to shoot him again"
"Angrier than an albino hitch hiker in a snow storm."
ReplyDeleteIf a bunch of midgets do the wave, Is it a ripple?
ReplyDeleteI'm madder than Janet Reno's Blind date.
This is harder to understand than a choir full of retards singing the rubber band man
This is as ridiculous as a midget with a three foot weiner
madder than a hunch back in a limbo contest
Im madder than a fagget with lockjaw on valentines day
ReplyDeleteI was madder than a midget with a yo-yo
ReplyDeletelarry the cable guy is the best GIT-R-DONE
ReplyDeletemadder then a midget with a yoyo i love that one lol larry go get r done o and get a twinkie
ReplyDeleteyour mama is so fat, when i tried to have sex with her, i had to roll her in flour and look for a wet spot
ReplyDeletei was bussier than a one legged man in a butt kickin contest
ReplyDeletei was madder than an elf out on christmas vacation
ReplyDeletewhy do midgets laugh when they run? the grass tickles there nuts
ReplyDeleteI was as nervous as a long tailed cat in room full of rocking chairs!
ReplyDeleteWoohh! Larry is the funniest guy, im young.. and my dream is to be a comedian when i get older. Hahahaha. and i think my role model is Larry! :) haha.
ReplyDeleteLarry is my role model too that dude is friggin awesome....giter done
DeleteThe "what happens when you get scared twice" was a Stephen Wright joke long before anyone knew who Larry the Cable guy was. Stick to original material, Larry. You are better than that.
ReplyDeleteur a stoopid fuker u know that
DeleteNo, your the dumb fucker, Larry the Cable guy is crap. We should all read a book around here
DeleteAnd you should read a dictionary and look up the meaning of 'joke'.
Deletelarry is so funny. glad i got to see him live it was funny as shit. i was mader then a skin head watching the jeffersons lol u go larry git er done
ReplyDelete"I'm havin' more fun than a tornadoe inna trailer park."
ReplyDelete"look at the turd cutter on this one right here" (looking at a rats asshole)
ReplyDeleteAll of these quotes are from Steven Wright!
ReplyDelete"I'm havin' more fun then a retard in a room full of bouncey balls"
ReplyDeleteActually, they aren't even Steven Wright jokes. Most of those have been around for many, many years. They're just a few of the classics.
ReplyDeletelarry this is adam fowler in parkersburg west virginia. ur the funniest guy that i know. i have watched all of ur movies and show. GET R DONE by god. "I could have shit through a screen dorr and not touch a wire bout right now" GOOD SHIT LARRY
ReplyDeletefunnier than a long tailed cat in a room full of rockin chairs dates back at least to Tennessee Ernie Ford. It is on his record. and I was a teen when I watched him say it on TV. And I am 73 years old.
ReplyDeleteI love Larry but most of the quotes are Steven Wright.
ReplyDeleteAnd I might add, the Steven Wright quotes listed here were not stolen by Larry.
ReplyDeleteHe never said them.
HERE IS A ORIGINAL FOR LARRY ...MY GIRL WANTED A FAIRY TAIL ROMANCE ....SO I HUMPED AND DUMPED HER ....EGYPT BIGGEST PROBLEM IS THAT ITS ECONOMY WAS NOTHING BUT A PYRAMID SCHEME.......I WORK CHEEP LARRY ....DANIELKELLY909gmail.com
ReplyDeleteLove Love Love Larry. He says what he wants and feels. My kind of man :)))))))))
ReplyDeleteD N
Seal Beach, Ca.
I hate Etcha Sketch turds, when you flush em it leaves circles all over yer butt in some weird picture.
ReplyDeleteI was more madder than the Keebler Elf being demoted to fudge packer :)
ReplyDeleteI was madder than a mosquito in a mannequin factory... =)
ReplyDeletebusier than a queer in a hot dog factory
ReplyDeleteFrom Bluedog to all you all for trying to bust Larry out on stealing jokes. Lots of people use material from past talent. Just like singers sing songs that someone else sang. That just seems like it would be a no brainer. Who cares if he is using someone elses material. He makes it his own. All this makes me madder than a long kneck chicken in a slaughter house.
ReplyDeleteFrom my dickhead father in law:
ReplyDeleteSo mad, if they would have hit me over the head with a broomstick handle, I wouldn't have felt it.
I have to put up with that dumb fuck.
Busier than a cat covering up shit on a tile floor!
ReplyDeleteHaha he is hilarious lmfao
ReplyDeletetomorrow is another day, i will probably screw that one up too. I was more confused than a blonde in a cricle room trying to find the Cornor.
ReplyDeleteYa see a girls like a tile. Once ya lay em once... you can walk all over em for years! Haha
ReplyDeleteI was madder than a legless Ethiopian watching a doughnut roll down a hill.
ReplyDeleteHotter than honeymoon sheets.
ReplyDeleteHotter than to rats getting it on in a wool sock.
Weirder than a box of hair.
Stranger than fish tits.
As usless as a soup sandwich.
"I almost couldn't make it tonight.There was a tragedy at my house.My grandma farted and set her snuggies on fire.Them snuggies make me madder than a hunchback a limbo party.
ReplyDeleteEver had to take a poop so big you had to hand out cigars?
ReplyDeleteThe other night we went to the Olive Garden.In those comercials it says "Come to Olive Garden,we treat you like family."That is so true.Right after we walked in they told my brother-in-law he is a lazy piece of crap.
ReplyDeleteLarry is so addictive, Once you have seen him you cant get enough of him.
ReplyDeleteIm 62 and i havw never heard of Steven Write. But every one knows Larry, He blows everyone out of the water. Get r dune. He is funnier than a no runing sign at a diarrhea ward
I was madder than a legless Ethiopian watchin a donut role down a hill
ReplyDeleteMadder than a skinhead watching the Jeffersons
ReplyDeleteDryer than a woodpeckers summer home
ReplyDeleteMadder than an albino hitch hiking in a snow storm!
ReplyDeleteI`m happier than Richard simmons with a wheelbarrel full of buttwholes.Very funny.
ReplyDeletemore frustrated than a horny retard.
DeleteWe need a president like Larry and not that danm jigaboo.
Delete