Jay Leno Quotes

I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, "I'd like some fries." The girl at the counter said, "Would you like some fries with that?"

If God doesn't destroy Hollywood Boulevard, he owes Sodom and Gomorrah an apology.

The Bush administration said today there is a lot of support for us to attack Iraq. Exxon, Mobil, Texaco, Chevron, they're all lining up.

The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot.

The University of Nebraska says that elderly people that drink beer or wine at least four times a week have the highest bone density. They need it - they're the ones falling down the most.

Larry The Cable Guy Quotes

Here are just a few quotes from the very funny Larry The Cable Guy...

99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?

Ben Stiller Quotes

I think most politicians could take a dodgeball in the face.

Whatever talent I had, I'm sure it helped that my parents were in the business and that I grew up around actors, comedians and directors.

Even when I'm not directing, that doesn't stop Owen from having ideas for what I should be doing.

Joe Bob Briggs Quotes

Apparently we love our own cell phones but we hate everyone else's.

If you hate what you're seeing, you call it sex and violence. If you like it, you call it "romance and adventure."

Discourse is fleeting, but junk mail is forever.

Charles Kuralt

Thanks to the Interstate Highway System, it is now possible to travel from coast to coast without seeing anything.

Julia Roberts Quotes

Republican comes in the dictionary just after reptile and just above repugnant.

Show me a person who doesn't like to laugh and I'll show you a person with a toe tag.

When I was a child I had a crush on Abraham Lincoln. Why I would choose to reveal this, I know not.

Frank Sinatra Quote

"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day."

Joey Adams Quotes

Joey Adams was a comedian that passed away in 1999, here are some of his famous quotes...

The difference between playing the stock market and the horses is that one of the horses must win.

Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.

If it weren't for the fact that the TV set and the refrigerator are so far apart, some of us wouldn't get any exercise at all.